Its been almost a week since I came back. Im very sure some of you who is reading this will be suprised as Im suppose to return on the 13 Sept. Its rather unexpected to see me here blogging. But well unexpected things has happened during the last wk. It has been 6days since God taken her back. Deep down in my heart, Im still feelin the grieve over the death of my grandma. It never seems to fade away. One which I will forgive myself and forget so long as I live in this world of civilization. When the news came to me, I was completely stunned. It feels like having trauma for awhile. I broke down sitting alone in the room speechless, motionlessly cryin knowing that is all but over. The tears of sadness nvr end. I may not cry on the surface now but deep inside it still mournin the pain n the loss. I could not recall any moment in my life that I've suffered such thing before. I tried to be strong mentally but sadly the pain is too much to bear. The only regret I had was that I wasnt able to be there with the rest of my relative and family when she's gone. That really hurt me the most. And I'm guilty of that, which is why I nvr forgive myself for it. This was the reason I had to come back. To spend time with those I cherish and love. But honestly, sadly, It wasnt my decision to take the earliest flight back here. I wasnt at the right state of mind to make a decision. It was a very decisive at that period of time and I was feelin very low, lost and confuse. And I really have to thank everyone in my unit especially to my platoon, my PC, my OC and last but not least my CO for his understandin and all the morale support I've got. Thank you so much for all the words of encouragement. It meant alot to me and I'm grateful for that. I'm tryin to cope with life now and try to put everything behind. This is not easy. My heart is still broken just like a fallen glass. And its goin to take sometime to patch it back. I felt that I've loss a great person. She took care of me when I was young and watch me grow. And she cont to look after me when my mom left me and my dad. Regardless of my age, She has been always there for me n she will always be placed in my heart. In the remembrance of my grandmother fr. 1928-2005. God bless her.